a return to

What exactly is normal?

I forget. I’ve always forgotten, but this is a different kind. Every two hours or so, I hit a wall of tired and zone out. If I make it through, it hits again. Each time is a fresh wave. At each one, it’d be so easy to just lie down. I am spending longer stretches of time awake.

If I do not rest, it accumulates to this point of fragility — a near tears touch me and I would fracture state. I slept a bit, but now am awake again my mind racing although my body feels heavy and swollen except for my left leg. That feels like it’s has a low level current constantly running through it.

This has been the new normal. But it isn’t.

This can’t be normal. This must be the intermediary bit. This is my body still telling me I need to mend. It probably is. Not sure what is mending. Whatever it is, wish it’d just get done.

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