Words: Tired Maybe allergies are acting up? not breathing well through the night? Antihistimine. Yes. Note to self. Sunny. But that is the room, not my disposition. Cheerful. Self-contained. Feeling small, like I don’t take up much room…like I’d rather be overlooked.
It’s early…ish. 7:30 on a Saturday. Everyone else is asleep. I resist the urge to start the day with email and social media. I do fire up the tablet to turn on the music. Bossa Nova, Thievery Corporation, Suba, Portishead…you get the vibe.
Coffee is the best thing ever. At least, it is today. Why does it do that? Why some days it’s more than habit or ritual? It’s something sublime. Other things do that. Other people. I miss your smile. My smile has been not quite so radiant or easy to appear. Sunshine. Right.
Trader Joe’s makes a ready-made hollandaise. Oh decadence. Toast the muffin, saute the spinach, an egg while the coffee drips. Steam the milk. Eggs Florentine, cafe au lait. So very civilized.
Clean the counters. Put away the pans. Survey my kitchen. If that is right and clean, how bad can it be? Perhaps this selfie project would more accurately convey my state if I just took a shot of the state of the kitchen. With that minor victory, I do a load of laundry. The scope of my battles are on par with Emily Dickinson. Little things. All the little things.
“Hope” is the thing with feathers – (314)
BY EMILY DICKINSON
“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.
Mom is here. She got in late Thursday night to spend Easter with us. It’s nice. We talk about her living with us two months out of the year. I consider that means she won’t be a guest, she’ll be with us. It will be a new normal. We’ll need to make sure she has a sense of home here.