Hoops.
At the end of the year, the faculty write self-evaluations and plans of work for the upcoming year.
This annual inventory is different than counting blessings or hopes because it is externally driven. The target audience isn't self, and the motivation is not introspection and self-awareness. The goal is to lay a groundwork - a foundation of paper arguments upon which to build validity and, ultimately, tenure.
While intellectually I understand the need for a consistent means of evaluating performance, and that it is more easily done when we all write within a certain structure, grouping our accomplishments into specific categories and all, my gut reaction is a resentment that I must gather all the brownie points I can muster. I look at each accomplishment and wonder where I can place it; wonder at how much I need to justify it's value; hate that I have to keep track of these deeds for show and tell.
We (my brothers and sisters) were taught to be thankful for what we've got. To take nothing for granted. So giving praise is an easy thing. At the same time, looking for praise is frowned upon. Whatever we do is not for thanks, but for the doing itself. Keeping score, expecting recompense is deemed in poor taste - boorish, needy. At least that is the lesson I've grown up internalizing. I clearly remember mom saying it isn't nice to brag... that people are more impressed when they find out about what you've done without you telling them.
Antithesis to this process.
I had a talk with the dean. (He was having one on one meetings with all of the faculty). I remember we talked about the nature of humility. He said he understood that in our cultures (hispanic and filipino) we are taught not to boast, but that in academia one has to act like a megalomaniac - then one could return to oneself afterwards.
It is a game...but such a serious one. I have to get my head into a She's-all-that space, and back it up in writing. Let me tell you about my eyes...
But I do understand the irony in explaining how I am finding it difficult to write about myself - here - in a blog.
Posted by weez at January 4, 2004 02:07 AM | TrackBackSometimes, writing in the third person helps with those we-must-toot-the-horn-now exercises. Try a blog entry that begins "She [...]" to let us see how it works.
Posted by: Francois Lachance at January 5, 2004 09:46 AMThink of it as acting. A great actor is able to understand their character and hide away enough of themselves to convince the audience that they're watching the character and not the actor. And yet, the actor is retaining enough of him/herself to do the *job* of acting, and do it well.
To use an overused quote from a movie that wasn't nearly as good as the comic book:
"It's Showtime!"
...
Posted by: fivecats at January 5, 2004 10:34 AMLike you, I often times find myself in the same position - I have great difficulty writing a resume, speaking in an interview for a job, applying for scholarships, filling out self-evaluations, etc. I grew up with the same values and principles as well. Even in my own blog, which is all about me first and foremost, I usually shy away from boasting about my accomplishments.
I also find writing in the third person helps for such things. It helps me put everything into perspective and makes it much easier to present.
Posted by: Carlo at January 5, 2004 11:28 AMThanks guys! It helps (wanted to write helped...but that would imply I was done).
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