There's been a rhythm to the weekend. As he takes his things (sometimes things that were or are ours), I would follow in his wake.
I washed the sheets and made the bed up fresh. Bought a beaded lamp and an alarm clock to replace the desk lamp and bose (Christmas present of 2000).
Put my books on the bedside table.
There.
Just so.
And I wonder how long I'll sleep on one side of the bed.
***********
Endings need to be acknowledged, as do beginnings.
Elaine suggested that before he left, we should say something we'd miss about each other. Without a beat he said, "Your cooking, your eyes and your smile." I responded, "The way you are with the boys, patience and security."
Then it was enough to say goodnight and see you tomorrow.
***********
Beginnings...
When Elaine and Curt and Benny (and later the twins) lived here in Rochester, we had Sunday dinners. Curt's idea. The family would get together at alternating houses and commit to having that meal as a unit.
We're going to do that again. It's a good ritual. First one at Jim's new place - dubbed "The Ranch". It may get a different moniker, but we're trying that one on for size.
***********
Talked with Martin a bit and described this process. He said it sounded like sacred time. That seems so right.
Sanctifying. Absolving. Purifying. Tonight, I'll bring flowers. It's Spring.
Posted by weez at May 2, 2004 07:49 AM | TrackBackOne of the most damaging things a person can do is to hold on to anger, animosity, negativity. Those things eat away at what's best in us. Forgiveness and balance and most of all love are essential for the grace it takes to be a good person among other good people. To always hold on to what was good about a relationship, even in the midst of bad times, maybe especially at those times, feeds the soul. That you speak so respectfully, so lovingly, so naturally about this difficult time says so much about how whatever happens will unfold -- not the events so much as what underlies them. Good luck to the both of you.
Posted by: ray orkwis at May 3, 2004 07:32 AMThanks, Ray.
Posted by: weez at May 3, 2004 09:45 AMRay said it well... but this sounds really hard. And:
"Every beginning
is only a sequel,
and the book of events
is always open halfway through."
(from a Wyslawa Szymborska poem - and the theme song of Kieszlowski's movie Three Colors: Red.)
Posted by: LiL at May 3, 2004 10:39 PMLovely poem.
Life is a process rather than a destination, isn't it?
Posted by: weez at May 4, 2004 09:10 AMThat part about saying what you'll miss about each other? That is killing me.
It seems to me that you are both...amazing.
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