I was doing okay until this song played.
It doesn't help that Elvis Costello sounds so plaintive or that Bacharach writes a mean lyric.
I am mourning a way of life. The house is empty without the boys in it. Two miles away and it feels like the moon. No goodnight kiss or the nightly lullabye.
So I hit repeat just to make the tears come again. Sob until exhausted, fall into a sleep beyond guilt and heartache.
............
It's daylight now, and the deep purple of the midnight hour is gone for now. They'll come home on the bus, and the place won't be empty and I'll be happy that they're fighting.
Julie said it's hard in the beginning. That it will get easier. But it won't ever go away.
But that's what love is.
Posted by weez at May 14, 2004 08:02 AM | TrackBackThat must be very difficult to go through.
Phone calls while they're awake might help. It is still a connection, a reminder that you're all in the same world. Even if you make more calls than usual at first.
Posted by: Mike at May 14, 2004 08:05 AMMothers have to go through that feeling. It's what prepares us for emptying the nest. Though it seems so far away it comes before we know it. The melancholy of an empty nest doesn't happen all at once, it develops over time. That first day your child wants to sleep over at a friends house instead of falling asleep in your arms after you read a book together... When your child decides it's no longer cool to hold mom's hand... that first crush. Yep, that's a mother's job--love your child unconditionally, and raise your child to be independent--it's all about emptying the nest. And about our own struggle to be independent, stay connected but let go. It's hard but beautiful. Yeah, Costello helps.
Posted by: Nancy at May 14, 2004 10:30 AMIn response to Nancy's comment, everything you said about mothers, their connections, their responsibilities, their job in raising their children, all those things are true of fathers, too. All the pain of an empty nest, we feel it just as much, though there is no way to objectively measure the emotions.
Posted by: ray orkwis at May 14, 2004 02:27 PMEmpty nest, full heart.
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