like Goldilocks

ENTRY # 2569 I kept waking up and going back to bed until it was right. The first time was around 6 and who knows what monkeys were inhabiting my brain before I opened my eyes, but I woke up crying, Not the sobbing cathartic kind, just a quiet hopeless kind. The dog was concerned. I checked my computer for stories and to see if anything had changed – it …

what the capuchin had to say

ENTRY # 2542 I am not surprised that the Capuchin sounds like Pat Morita. (The other option would have been James Earl Jones, but the Capuchin does not have the authority of God.) Depending on whether or not I want to take what he is about to say seriously, I can either channel Mr. Miyagi or Arnold. I have placed the photograph unmolested back into the box. The woman and …

outside the flow

ENTRY # 2539 From where I am right now, I cant imagine a resolution to the story. This is where semi-autobiographical fiction can take its turn, because even I hate watching it unfold in real time. The head monkeys were never very precise. They were just a wall of internal noise. Now that Ive given them character, I kinda have to make something up. Still dont know what they (as …

on opening

ENTRY # 2533 What if I open a box? I havent tried this before. The attic is dusty and cool. It smells like an attic, of memory. My home is a jumble, but the stack of the actively forgotten is ordered and arranged. Funny how the mind is. For this experiment I look for Beyond Care. Not a mere Dont Care Anymore. I wonder if the residual anger is telling …

stoicism is overrated

ENTRY # 1875 Wz.v1 Monkeys chitter in head screaming things like “Unworthy!” and “”Unqualified!” and “Ugly!” Wz.v1 acknowledges the nonsensicalness of monkey chitter Physical and emotional reactions are stuffed into some deep dark hole Happy face engaged Wz.v2 Monkeys chitter in head screaming things like “Unworthy!” and “”Unqualified!” and “Ugly!” Wz.v1 acknowledges the nonsensicalness of monkey chitter TO OTHER PERSON Physical and emotional reactions are allowed to vent. Happy face …

down for the count

ENTRY # 1675 The blue anteater, the white monkey and gold raccoon sit on my chest poking me. “See, I told you she was stuck.” I try to lift my arm. Its too hot. I cant move it. The blanket is too heavy. “See, I told you,” the raccoon says. I am thinking that if they would just get off my chest, then maybe I could do something. The boarder …

Rosario’s Garden 3

ENTRY # 39 “Come back!” “Come back here now! Your aunt Lil wants to see you!” Hidden under the table-clothed endtable; he watches pastel sensible shoes walk away then makes a break for the door. Out the door. Down the hall. Out the house and down the dirt drive. He looks back and sees more well dressed folk being let out of their cars, handing keys to Miles and Jed. …

Rosario’s Garden cont.

ENTRY # 36 On a shelf in the back of the room are photos of the kids. Some have accidental shots of his wife – but they were such good shots of his son and daughter. A recent addition is a black and white shot of a run down shack, two grinning kids in front, arms slung over each others shoulder. Niel and Rosario standing in tall grass. The photo …

Rosario’s Garden

ENTRY # 35 Another sleepless night. Seems thats all he has nowadays. Forget the air conditioning, in hopes the sound of the surf could bring rest, he left the window open to the sea. What he heard instead was the bar closing crowd of Harleys at 2:00. By 3:00 there was just the sea, and the hum of the air conditioner fighting to regain control of the room. Old people …