whatcha whatcha wan’?

What to do if/when I grow up? The boys are at a point where I am not so necessary to them. They can take care of themselves. So the “mother” role is changing. My day to workaday day is fairly set. There are things to do and learn, but I don’t imagine myself leaving my professor role. This is it. What to do next? Who to do next? How to …

key frames

So in the same way one sets up the key frames and then figure out the tweens, pacing, ease-in and out, so can the narrative be set. I hadn’t thought about it that way until I asked the candidate if she thought about narrative in that way. Apparently, I do.

it’s just a body

Sprang for a massage chair. In the absence of regular sex, this is the best thing ever. The stroke was three (?) years ago, and since then I’ve had a bunch of problems. Tendonitis of the hip, a lower back vertabrae out of whack (not quite slipped) that’s been pinching a nerve and weakening the leg and additionally causing lower back pain, then there was that hormonal shitstorm called menopause. …

ending

It takes a long time for the heart to catch up with the brain. Maybe not so much to catch up, but to adjust to the reality of the present. On facebook the other day, the site so kindly offered me a video that said 8 years ago, I had friended my dad. He’s been gone for three years now, and the loss is still there, but it doesn’t hurt …

with age; value

Infinite shades of grey. That’s how the world is. Not sure that even the blackest black is all that, nor the white. Well, maybe there are some absolutes. I was dorm queen at the Pennsylvania Governor’s School of the Arts at the ripe old age of 26 (was it?). Old enough to be considered a grown up by these fifteen through seventeen year olds. This month long program of artists, …

teeter

Brought back from the edge. It’s hard to live in ambiguity. But worse, maybe to say, you are nothing to me. And so saying, end it all. True there is clarity, but there is also the void.

fire

There is this flare of anger. Liz P told me that she used to pick fights with Ricky before he went on tour. It was like clockwork. It’d culminate in a fight before he left. She said it was so she didn’t miss him when he was gone. Maybe that’s what this is about. When the anger burns itself out, maybe the feeling will be gone too. So, maybe I …

it only takes a moment

A student stopped by. I hadn’t seen him since last semester when he was in my class. “I never got a chance to tell you, but you helped me when I was pretty low. It meant a lot. Just wanted to say thank you.” It’s easy to forget that we effect each person we interact with. Each interchange has the potential to make the day better or ill. So there …