doldrums

Today: myself, contained, reclaiming

Yesterday: mercurial, breathing, reaching

Friday: tearful, mercurial, down

Ragged breathing. Tears streaming. Stupid stupid stupid. And then like some passing storm, there’s this woman I know just for a bit. It’s tiring being on this roller coaster. Today was pretty good. Bought a dyson and have been reclaiming the house. The house had gone to hell. Kim was going to drop off Jordan for me to babysit yesterday, so there was a reason to clean house. Ah, the catharsis of exerting control over one’s environment; the meditative bit of chucking detritus.

That and taking care of Jordan took me out of my head for a bit.

The head monkeys gain power as I talk to them, so anything to bring the focus from inward out is  good thing. Well…anything that doesn’t ask for conversation.

I am aware that as I flounder alone I am losing orientation to the world, that locus defined by relationships is loosened as I’ve set myself adrift. Leaving a sign on the port – gone fishing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *