Inside and Outside are not the same

I’ll try to remember the words, but first a comment…There really are two sets of words. There is the sense of self before the picture, and the sense of self based upon the critical eye looking at the artifact of self. These are not the same.

When I got home, the light was a soft after rain glow. I plopped down on the stoop and took the shot. Work day was done. Not yet time to get the boys. Words: island, ephemeral, okay. Then I look at the picture and see wrinkles, and the face that is not smiling is so very serious. This doesn’t look like a happy person. Those words would be pensive, concerned, tired.

2014-05-01 11.09.04

Do this before I forget. Words: transitioning, beginning, rehearsing. In the car, on the way to work I go over the lines. Professing as performance: what is the point of this day? What will be the beats of the show. Where do I bring them into the ensemble?

2014-05-01 14.44.25

Words: fragile, brittle, precipice. It’s a no-coffee-yet point in the day. Grabbed an apple for breakfast, fed Teo and Ripley and Noot, headed out. I took the shot as I got into the car. Didn’t really look at the shot I’m about to post.

Last night, after work I went to the grocery store. Pain shot through my leg and I fell as my calf cramped. I just sat there in the middle of the aisle breathing, waiting for my leg to uncurl. A woman asked if I was okay? “I’ll be alright. I just need to sit here a bit.” I am guessing it was not a convincing smile. Got the groceries. Got into the car. I wept.

Today is still rocky. Don’t you hate having so much feeling it leaks out?

Again the disconnect between the feeling inside and the exterior artifact of the moment. (I am just guessing).

2014-05-02 07.40.22

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