outside

With the changing weather, the hip aches and the leg gives out in unexpected bursts. Holidays approach and I think of dad

often.

It sneaks up on me in the way I groan in the morning. Geez, just vacuuming the house — because that was his thing. Sometimes it is okay, but more often I am sad

still.

i chock this up to hormones, and weather, and a creaky body, and memory. It’s all jumbled there. The ability to take on others’ anything is not there. So I flee at the end of the day. I hug my boys and hide with a book. Turn off the phone. Turn off the internet. Focus limited to what is contained I can touch in meat space.

I was like this when I was in high school. Maybe this is my nature and I have just returned to my core.

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