Emotional and physical reserves dwindle, and as they do, the locus of focus shrinks and shifts to an almost pinpoint.
What makes you happy? What is important? What do you need to get by?
The list is very short.
There is solace and comfort in doing what it takes for that one list: have the next meal, make sure the boys know I love them, maybe tell a few people I’m glad they exist – and not even want a response.
That’s about it. Today, it’s covered. So it’ll be a good day.
Breathing. Walking. Freedom from pain and a some food.
Weak sunshine on a cool day.
There really isn’t much to ask of life sometimes.
Respect for chemistry and what it does. Man. This tiny pill is some cortisone anti inflammatory juggernaut that killed the pain and allowed me to walk. It also makes the rest of me feel numb. It’s weird. I think I’d rather feel than feel like this.
But it’s been a few days of being able to walk without wincing.
I now understand why I’m only on it for five days. After the first day I wondered, this is great! Why not forever?
I want my body back as I remember it. Not this new normal.
I made hollandaise from scratch, poached eggs, and sauteed greens and put it all on sourdough toast.
I drank cappucino made lovingly in the oh-so-cluttered kitchen.
I did not do the dishes.
I went back to bed.
I woke up again.
I drew. And wrote.
I am now having cheese, and bread. I am contemplating cracking open a bottle of wine.
Maybe I’ll do the dishes.
I tag this post notAlone as I get friendly waves through the ether.
It is a perfect day.
I’m manually entering in all my old posts and comments. It’s not so bad to read what was. Makes me appreciate words. Not just mine, but the words of all those who visited.
The first blog post, entitled “So This is It” has tidbits from a recurring cast of characters. Wonder where Francois is and how he is doing?
Text and voice: Elouise Oyzon
Music: John Oyzon
Someone said, “Tell me a story.”
And I did. Sentence at a time in a chat window. I saved the story as post. There was a point where I tried my hand at audio posts. My brother, John (aka Beau) took my voice and made music with it.
It is sweet.
I think I will take his music and my voice and add animation.
I think you are the only one who comes here. I am glad you do.
Oh! I am trying to get old blog posts moved here. Found comments from you, and Bridget, and Elsie, and Liz, and my family, and…and…and…
This used to be a happenin’ space.
I should do something about that.
Does this blog skin make me look fat?
Trying on different looks. It’s something to do while I try to get the posts of the last ten years in order. It’s been a while. I can’t even find my bloggeversary. Looking through the wall of text, I found many friends. This used to be a happening place.
Maybe I can find my writing mojo under these superficial changes.
A bit rumbly in the tumbly.
I don’t usually envision Pooh when I start with caveman, but there it is.
In an effort to save my life, I’m giving the Paleo diet a shot. Hence the rumbly tumbly bit. It’s only day three of this. Was advised to give it at least thirty days. So I shall. Before and after shots? Sure. Tomorrow. I promise.
In the meantime, some observations…wheat and sugar seem to be in everything. Soy ha been my milk replacement since figuring out I have a lactose thing. Nix on soy and all things legume. This isn’t as hard as when I went vegan, but I have never been so aware of the chemistry of food.
Discovery number one- a can of coconut cream is an amazing thing. Good for anything that cream would be used for. Made a fantastic curry dish and also a version of creamed spinach that was tasty. Also great steamed for my morning latte.
Revelation number two is the existence of almond meal. It functions like flour. Made a crepe using it in combination with coconut cream and eggs. This was the base for the creamed spinach. It hasn’t been bad. I thought I ate plenty. The stomach gurgles anyway.