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Growed up
This also happened. Sixteen is a lot. I can still conjure his face as he would crawl over the blankets to wake me up. The smile is still the same.
This also happened. Sixteen is a lot. I can still conjure his face as he would crawl over the blankets to wake me up. The smile is still the same.
What exactly is normal? I forget. I’ve always forgotten, but this is a different kind. Every two hours or so, I hit a wall of tired and zone out. If I make it through, it hits again. Each time is a fresh wave. At each one, it’d be so easy to just lie down. I am spending longer stretches of time awake. If I do not rest, it accumulates to …
Sleep is the best thing.
A year ago, I believed this. I don’t believe all of it now. Some walls come down. Hope does return.
Margaret asked, “Why would you put into a public forum something that could as easily be private — like a diary?” It’s a very good question. Sand on the beach, crayons and paper, chalk and a sidewalk all illicit touch and shaping. It’s a compulsion. These sketches are left uncaring as to whether or not someone views them. They exist regardless. They are made because I wanted to make them. …
Blood pressure ranges from 95-145 systolic throughout the day. I hit 200 once. It was scary to have all the displays in a bright red. I took the pressure three times, still red. left it alone for a half hour, back down to 130. Weird. A little scary. Blamed it (maybe) on running on 3 hours of sleep. My left leg is electric. I keep checking between the two and …
Weak. The picture of an Amazon self does not match the woman in the mirror. I am mortal and aging. This does not imply a surrender to gravity nor a rounding of all the edges. Maybe the goal is to be contrary: defy gravity; sharpen those distinctions. There is no rage. It is not old age. Perhaps it is an older age, enough to know that time is finite and …
but this sleeping thing is so good. It’s a bit like being a newborn. When babies have too much stimulus, they just close their eyes and shut down. They let it all go so they can process what they’ve got. It’s like that.
The village cares for me. They also care a great deal for my boys. They took off for Philly. I spent the day in the room watching Avatar – the Last Airbender, napping and when Matt came back got a chance to see Andy and Kim for a bit. My story of yesterday not so interesting. Kim got to be the sole representation of any estrogen on their trip into …
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