The world did not stop without my presence. I find that reassuring. The noise level is low. Tonight is my first night alone since the incident. Well, I had one night between mom and Elaine’s visits. That was a blur. It’s comforting. She drove me to all my classes and even sat in on them attempting to do her own work. In-between we ate decadently…that part of me was …
Hate when you’re sick but you don’t look it. Just tired. Hate the word “just”. Mondays are a bit rough. The teaching until 10pm followed by the 8am class is also a bit of a stretch. Energy level was low. Still is. I can do this. Elaine, “Go to bed. I’ll take care of this.” No argument. Even though I passed the driving hurdle, glad she is here. She drove. …
Is this thing working? Thought (generic)Ambien was supposed to knock me way out. Up at 6:30. Got me through 3 AM. Good enough. Able to turn to see the clock, relieved that what I saw counted as real morning although the light was still purple, I ran through the day before it happened. There is that future imperfect again. More flawed planning of non-existent things. The real thing, my …
Yesterday was a mess. A B Here is a bunch of two and three hour bits of fitful sleep. (As in full of fits, not as in would-be-fit-as-a-fiddle-if-you-got-one-of-these). Here is a generic ambien induced straight eight hours of maybe-snoring-maybe-muttering-but-I-didn’t-gain-consciousness-so-I-don’t-care. Having seen the two, I will take B any day. Stuff happened. As I told Sela, “The how-does-all-this-work is a crazy state of being, isn’t it? I keep getting sideswiped by …
Told my kids (the students that is) that part of the creative process was not to edit. Just put it alll down. It will likely be crap. That’s okay. woke up at three in the morning, my head buzzing. It does that. Alcohol over a dinner celebrating that I exist was not enough to make me sleep through the night, no matter how delicious mixmaster Tim can make it. It’s …
Subject I Past tense conditional could have should have would have then there would be a past tense verb. But what’s weird is that there would be a past tense verb (she whispers, “died”) that never happened. Conjugation is such an odd thing. That there could even be a past tense for a non-occurrence. Future conditional is also an oddity. Conditional may just be a waste of thought. It is …
Superstitiously, I look at the fading bruise on my arm. It doesn’t hurt at all. It looks pretty bad. This is a metaphor for all of it. After each soporific round, I’m better able to navigate from one end of the room to the other. After each round I look at that bruise and see it diminish just a bit. When it is gone, I’ll be able to walk again …
Stick figure me can’t get comfy because of my huge head, and there isn’t any dimension to even wrap my arms around my pillow. But stick figures can’t type. Stupid transitional dream to waking. I do know one thing – I am an xkcd comic. This gives me comfort.
[ An Audio version of this post. Music by my brother, John Oyzon and narration by me.] Tonight was the annual Cobblestone picnic- a school that Aidan goes to. (Connor starts next year). At the picnic, it’s all about the kids. I watch them take off on their own trajectories. Toddle after the baby. Sit quietly for the most part and observe the goings on. No desire to engage in conversation …
Everyone is the protagonist of their own story. Late night. The soundtrack is jazz horn. Alto sax. Reverb. Thoughtful. Blue light from a monitor in a dim room lights her face. Actually, in my head I’ve got a pretty constant stream of personal soundtrack as I go about my day to day. Most people are bit players, some are the character actors (mostly 1 dimensional fly throughs), and then there …
