Basics: fed and watered. The sun shines.
I can feel the bobbing of this uncertain sea. When I come to the surface, I breathe in and if – if – I can stay on the surface a while, I remember I am breathing and isn’t it pleasant to have the sun on my face and how cool is it not to be drowning?
I have been more me this last month than I have been this last year. In hindsight, it was a bad year for being. I will admit to wondering whether or not living is a worthwhile thing, it seems so much work at times.
I did not contemplate suicide. Just in case you wondered. Just in case some future me wonders how bad it had been?
But back to basics: I am fed and watered. The sun is shining.
And today I am myself.
What does that mean? It means life is worth living. It means I am thankful for what I have. That there is clutter and that is okay. There is a normalcy that is a comfort. That I would be pleased if not merely acquiescent to have a visitor. (Not normal is feeling angry that some “other” is invading my space).
It means the slings and arrows are manageable.
Well, Kim is on her way and I need to pick up a bit. Just thought I’d check in.