This year I resolve to have fewer strokes. Sometimes I think it was a bigger deal for those around me than it was for me. Brushes with mortality are. On a camping trip we played hide and seek in the night rain. I jumped over a low stone fence. Next thing I knew I was hanging over a fast river. My friends pulled me up. There was am-I- dying? Then …
Pale Blue Dot – Animation from Ehdubya on Vimeo. Written and Narrated: Carl Sagan Music: Hans Zimmer “You’re So Cool” Art and Animation: Adam Winnik
There was that horrible time. It was after that great bit, and before the other great bit. It’s a matter of bookending. At what point does one measure the beginning and end of a trajectory? What if the closing shot was Aidan being put in my arms? Or maybe it was the quiet, “It’s too late.” No, it’s sitting by the Mediterranean soaking in the sun, whiling away the hours …
When this leg decides it is working again it’s time to dance.
It’s hard to see any movement made. One would hope whatever movement there was went in some positive direction (whatever that means). Someone asked what it was like to be a military brat? My answer is that the lesson is that everyone is different. Everyone is the same. So is each moment–each day. One wonders who am I that I was not? Who am I that endures? …
There’s a point where all there is – is to give it up. Something wicked tickled then bitch slapped me. It laid me out pretty much from the moment I said bye to my colleagues last Friday and on until…well, it’s still here but not so bad. I slept a lot. No kids until Monday. That was almost of three days where I spoke to no one. And through the …
Violent dreams. But it was me wielding the knife, the gun, the implement of destruction… A crazy Mickey Mouse roll call of bad choices. I make you dead to me. Wake up with residual ill feeling. It’s fuzzy and not targeted. Maybe it was mom who said not to take anger out on innocent bystanders. Collateral damage is never a good thing. There is a building pressure of frustration that …
I asked the doctor if the medication may be causing me to be sad and weepy. He said “no”. So it’s just me feeling the way I do in response to the what it is. I am unwilling to accept this as the new normal. “How are you doing?” It depends on what aspect of life…compartmentalizing the bits makes them more manageable. The job is great; as are the students, …
I would like to spend a day speaking to no one.
