Is this thing working? Thought (generic)Ambien was supposed to knock me way out. Up at 6:30. Got me through 3 AM. Good enough.
Able to turn to see the clock, relieved that what I saw counted as real morning although the light was still purple, I ran through the day before it happened. There is that future imperfect again. More flawed planning of non-existent things.
The real thing, my feet make solid contact with the ground. I run the checks.
I close my eyes and run the same tests. It’s all so very scientific methody. Fuck it. I walk to the bathroom and look at my face. Rested enough. Decide coffee before shower. Coffee before breakfast. Coffee before anything.
And I realize I made it here without thinking about my steps.
So I went to the middle of the room, and faced where I knew the sun was rising…even if I can’t see it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The sun salutation is all about thinking of each movement and only that movement – and breath. Maybe after a few rounds, it’s all about breath. I did them all. One movement after the next. I didn’t feel off balance or precarious. I did it again. Once more because three is still a magic number because Schoolhouse Rock tells me so.
There is a pain inside my left thigh during the second lunge. I guess I’ve been working that more than I realized. But that’s it.
Maybe I won’t lean on someone’s arm today, unless it’s because I want to. Maybe this is all good because I just woke up. Stamina comes with time, that’s kinda the definition of it. I will so take this. I won’t run with it, but god yes.
PS. I just checked, the bruise is almost gone.