Siofra

Picture the Impossible

Just Press Play

Just Press Play

me, today

I exist, though not so much in the ether as in meat space. Working with students and seeing their faces (are they getting the jokes? are they engaged? do they understand?…) is great. Then I go home and hole up and don’t talk to anyone. The computer is shut down at the end of day not to be looked at until the next morning. Keeps me sane. Alone is good.

Strike a Pose

Continuing my RuPaul binge in advance of All Stars, I’ve branched out to HBO’s Legendary and will eventually get to Pose. That said, the OG Madonna… Back in the 80’s I lived in DC and hit a club in the DMZ (demilitarized zone) and saw these beautiful creatures doing what I now know is ballroom. Still remember that joyous celebration of their own beauty.

To Languish

There was a lovely NY Times article that favored the return of the word “languish”. It really is quite lovely as words go. It brings to mind that impotent feeling that would involve some flailing if you could just get the energy to do it. It’s not depression per se, it’s running on fumes. When asked, “How are you?” “Not okay” causes worry. “I’m languishing.” is relatable and if they …

a drop

What is the purpose of posting in social media? Is it the howling of a wolf hoping others will take up the cry? Is it an ask for someone to acknowledge you exist? Are you the tree in the wood that falls? I am a drop that makes an insignificant ripple. Perhaps less than that…which is why I write this here instead of as a fb post or even a …

What Queens teach us

Bingeing, because that’s how I do. While there is no small amount of manufactured and edited for tv drama, ultimately shows of Rupaul (in all its incarnations), Queer Eye, and A Queen is Born are about self-acceptance, otherness, and what beauty can mean. It’s a happy thing and makes me feel if they can love themselves, I should absolutely be able to.

Embody

It’s a shell; this container of mostly water propelled by questionable mind. I feel the exact opposite of grounded. You know? Where you are so very present and in the world? My mind lives in the ether. It connects through wires and the web. My persona is this edited carefully lit entity that gets pushed through zoom or discord for some time before I disconnect. “Disconnect” is a good word. …

The Doing is the Thing

This object (me) at rest is so very invested in remaining so. I’m not sure if I’m depressed. It’s not a matter of shame. Probably its the whole notion that depressed means sad, and I am not sad. I am tired. I am withdrawn. I am unwilling to engage. I am numb. Having been diagnosed as depressed a number of years ago, I have vague recollections it was just like …

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