advance
Fast forward to equilibrium please.
without song
I remember that crazy dizzying in love feeling. That was a long time ago. Since then, I’ve kept that shit on the chain. Losing that much of one’s self to another is crazy. Why would you entrust so much of yourself to someone else’s keeping? Stupidm this game of limited affection. I don’t imagine myself being able to give it up again. I thought about chasing him. About standing outside …
alone again, naturally
C broke up with me. And I get it. I’m a lousy girlfriend. I really am. Or I have been for the last…oh, year. He waited a long time, and I don’t begrudge him getting on. Mood swings. My sexual desire nearly evaporated. Menopause is a b i t c h. I kept him at arms length. Felt guilty for not desiring him, for hiding because seeing anyone was work. …
I’ve been here before
Grumblings of conspiracy. Whispered discussions in the hall. Certainty that the end is near. Academia. Or maybe, that’s just anywhere that people clump in groups; where someone has to be in charge and is beholden to someone above and to many below. Yeah. That’s it. Just had to remind myself that this is a tiny repeating tempest and that age has no bearing on maturity. It’s fractal, this pattern. I’m …
When I grow up I’m gonna be an old woman
Wondering at what point I turn into a little old woman? Oh, math. 2015 – 1962. Right, 53. I keep forgetting. It keeps sneaking up on me, this time passing. It’s in the sound of my sons’ voices, their stature, their shapes. It’s in the chance reflection in some glass and the after beat of realization that it is me. It’s in announcements of friends’ grandchildren. Friends that I know are …
a twisted perspective
Reading some dark Phillip K. Dick, heard the sound of a passing ice cream truck’s chimes. “Ask not for whom the bell tolls it tolls for thee” “You ain’t right, girl.” The background processes tweak interpretation of what the senses take in.
happiness is
not a warm gun. Check. Check. Does an animated gif show up animated as a featured image?
windows let light in
Lighting will make a big difference. Looks like I need a bunch of spots for the interior. T
The Attic Progresses
Acquired floor (a lovely paper from the art store), and rug (remnant upholstery fabric). Also acquired: windows (photo frames), curtains (interfacing), ceiling (foam core) and walls (pebble board). Ceiling, posts and lights.
building the set
Alternating between the models and the set. Foundations: some pegboard, cable ties, quick clamps.