this selfie project would have been very different a year or two ago
Menopause Just sayin’
doldrums
Today: myself, contained, reclaiming Yesterday: mercurial, breathing, reaching Friday: tearful, mercurial, down Ragged breathing. Tears streaming. Stupid stupid stupid. And then like some passing storm, there’s this woman I know just for a bit. It’s tiring being on this roller coaster. Today was pretty good. Bought a dyson and have been reclaiming the house. The house had gone to hell. Kim was going to drop off Jordan for me to …
Pockets
Up and down In and out High and low I’m a Pink song. When that pocket of contentment, that sunshiny bit burbles from the never never, I gather it, tromp in a circle three times and curl into a ball and stay there trying not to disrupt that precious bit of alrightness.
a visit to the attic
Words: ambushed, nostalgic, mercurial It was good until the rains came. But that’s just the body. Silly body. There was no Spring. It was cold, and now it is hot. Heat rises. It is something one notes in an attic bedroom. Refusing air conditioning. Seems like a trick when the heat was a necessity a scant few days ago. Besides, it’s comforting to hear the sound of rain and …
a difference a day makes
Jim was gone for a week and I had the boys. After four days of a rushed frenetic morning panic and getting everyone everywhere just-in-time, “Fuck this shit.” Shocked. I say into the silence, hands clenching the steering wheel consciously driving the speed limit while glancing at the dashboard clock every 10 seconds, “Tomorrow YOU get yourselves up, YOU make your breakfast, and I am leaving the house at 7:15. …
still selfie-ing
Words: alright (an upgrade from okay), rested, nostalgic Observation: the inner feelings don’t necessarily match the exterior Getting pretty good at the selfie-ing. It’s Elaine’s super power to be able to use an SLR, turn it around and aim it so everyone is actually in the shot. Selfie lessons learned in this scant two weeks: Stick your head out forward like imitating a chicken. It’s like an insta-facelift Position the …
grrr
Forgot my phone. Used the laptop. When did one’s phone become one’s camera? So, when one wears glasses long enough, the bit where the glasses are supported on the bridge, if it isn’t fitted well, ends up having divots. Still have the divots. Also – reading glasses because blind. Rocking the sexy librarian look. Or maybe it’s old lady look. Words: angry (fucking hormones), breathing, ambulatory
words
Ambulatory, approaching, falling Walking is just controlled falling. “Odd. It feels like ice running down my leg.” Cody replies, “Maybe you should use your cane.” “But it isn’t hurting.” He gives me a patient look. “Hand me my cane?” A few more days until the end of the semester. Teachers look forward to Summer every bit as much as students do. Looking forward to the cool basement in the Summer …
thanks for playing
Words: loved, connected, ephemeral So glad the kids were willing to play. They’re a good lot Dave stopped by my office to check in on me. Guess my general withdrawl from the world is noticable. The limp is not confused with swagger. A gentle invitation to connect. “Friends can be work in the short term, but it is helpful in the long run.” Words from my wise bear-friend. Cody suggested …
rest
Cheating. Was up at 2 in the morning. I’m counting this as yesterday and today. I don’t even remember. Teo? Right. He wuffed me up. Not sure if I even woke up really. Had vague memory of that selfie thing I hadn’t done. Grabbed the phone, resumed the warm spot. Click. Words: What is the opposite of lucid? Whatever it is…THAT. My boys are angels when they are asleep. …