When I began this blog, oh…yowsah! fourteen years ago? (I suppose I could check.) I told myself I’d make it a daily thing and wouldn’t really tell people about it. I managed to do that for four years. All the posts haven’t been migrated to wordpress, but they exist. Some time I’ll get around getting those over. It was a good habit. I was able to see patterns of care …
How do you measure – measure a year? In daylights – in sunsets In midnights – in cups of coffee In inches – in miles In laughter – in strife… Seasons of Love, RENT In beats In movements In Acts In chapters Divided by rests; by margins, bleeding to the edges … But who would count eternity in days? These old bones live to learn her wanton ways: (I measure …
CONNOR: Are you busy right now? Can I call you about the wind? wtf I call. “Did the tree fall down?” “No, but it looks like it might. Dennis says one fell down in his neighborhood.” “Yop. The main entrance to RIT is blocked because a tree fell. Most of the lights in Henrietta are out.” “Can we call someone?” “And they would…what? Watch our tree fall on the house? …
I’m in Manhattan eating a bagel as big as my head. We’re at a serviceman’s hostel: mom, Elaine and her boys, me and mine. 9:30 They’re all also except me. Typical. But here I am writing like dad would while on his travels. It feels right. It’s quiet. Mom sprang for this family gathering. Elice and Brahim couldn’t make it. It’s the end of Ramadan. We’ll see them later this …
Fast forward to equilibrium please.
C broke up with me. And I get it. I’m a lousy girlfriend. I really am. Or I have been for the last…oh, year. He waited a long time, and I don’t begrudge him getting on. Mood swings. My sexual desire nearly evaporated. Menopause is a b i t c h. I kept him at arms length. Felt guilty for not desiring him, for hiding because seeing anyone was work. …
Reading some dark Phillip K. Dick, heard the sound of a passing ice cream truck’s chimes. “Ask not for whom the bell tolls it tolls for thee” “You ain’t right, girl.” The background processes tweak interpretation of what the senses take in.
Basics: fed and watered. The sun shines. I can feel the bobbing of this uncertain sea. When I come to the surface, I breathe in and if – if – I can stay on the surface a while, I remember I am breathing and isn’t it pleasant to have the sun on my face and how cool is it not to be drowning? I have been more me this last …
Summer does not mean free time and a break from work. Professors still have things to do. It’s just unstructured…not really the best environment for me. There’s that thing-I-have-to-do and the-shiny-thing-I-wanted-to-do and the-house-that-is-chaos. But the paper is done. I just haven’t hit “send”. Leaving it until I forget the sentences so I can see it with unclouded eyes. With that done and after investigating where else I may submit it, …
Beatrice, a capuchin, says, “You are insignificant.” Beatrice says, “No one cares about you.” Beatrice says, “They expect nothing from you, why bother at all.” Beatrice is pissing me off. Adder, the lemur, thinks this is just fine. She rejoices in rage. She whispers, “Anger is powerful. Fuck that simpering bitch. Stoke that fire. Let’s get it on.” I’d rather that they both shut up and let me sleep instead …
