ENTRY # 68 Mark Rothko, White Center,1950 What is important at any given moment is entirely based upon what surrounds it. Myriad stimulus vies for ones attention all the time. That one thing even makes it to the forefront of the mind is amazing, but even given ones full attention, it doesnt exist in isolation. It (whatever it is) is colored by whatever flanks it both physically and temporally. The …
ENTRY # 67 S`io credesse che mia risposta fosse A persona che mai tornasse al mondo, Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse. Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo Non torno vivo alcun, siodo il vero, Senza tema dinfamia ti rispondo. Translation of epigraph: “If I thought that my reply would be to someone who would ever return to earth, this flame would remain without further movement; but as no one …
ENTRY # 66 Its been a couple of days. Let us go then, you and I, When the evening is spread out against the sky Like a patient etherised upon a table; Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, The muttering retreats Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells; Streets that follow like a tedious argument Of insidious intent To lead you to an overwhelming …
ENTRY # 65 It started with a pile of junk mail thrown on the floor. My trash, left on the dining table. Gabriel toppling it down. Some words. A day spent cleaning the house, not speaking, taking turns leaving. We speak to the boys gently, but not at all to one another. By evening, we direct perfunctory sentences. “Good soup. Thanks for dinner.” “The bathroom looks nice.” The next day. …
ENTRY # 64 Was I.M.ing (is that a verb?) with Jared Campbell a few days ago, and asked him if he would be able to fraternize with a bunch of old women Friday night if they stopped by the club. (He works security there). Jared, “And what does that have to do with you?” Smooove. Me, “You’ve been reading those alpha male lessons, havent you?” Him, “Is this where I …
ENTRY # 63 Liz was talking about how alpha males use their sexuality in their arsenal of power. True. Girlism – as defined by Halley Suitt has its own power as well. Working at the D.O.D. in the 80s, to be taken seriously, I swore like the guys. I wore big padded shoulders and baggy clothes that denied my sex. The prevailing notion was that women had been objectified far …
ENTRY # 62 You’d think self perception would be a stable sort of state first thing in the morning. If you’d slept well, had enough water the night before – you’re lubed and rested. Shouldn’t you be a tabla rasa before you’ve opened your eyes for the first time? Like your personal reset button had been pushed…maybe a reboot? Its not. There’s “Damn I Look Good Day“. “I Feel Awful …
ENTRY # 61 A beautiful day. The boys angelic – because theyre still asleep. (All sleeping children are angels). Leisurely dress, and everything I wear, like magic, looks good. The planets have aligned and my hair is disheveled in a perfect just-mussed-enough fashion. And I have the body of the self-righteous gym maniac…or at least, gotten back to the point where Im seeing a difference. So its, “Damn I look …
ENTRY # 59 Boys. Hrmph. She carefully spreads the broken eggshells in a pattern around the base of the tree. She does the same with the humus, but with limited aesthetic effect. “Whats that for?” “Im taking care of her.” “Yeah?” “Yeah. She’s my old lady.” “Right.”
ENTRY # 60 The boys take after their mom and dad. Standing in the stairway, I’m having Connor do a repeat performance of his chimney moves. Jim comes by, “Connor. Stop!” Connor gets down. Jim, “Roll up your pants, theyre getting in your way.” Game on. Apparently its a burgeoning sport. Did you play lava? or carpet shark?
