back – ish

Yesterday is a tired blur. There was that discharge. Said goodbye and thanks to all the nurses. Hope the crazies are not so much. They really were good. Never EVER take insurance for granted if you’ve got it. There was never a question of can-I-afford-this? No one should ever have to worry about it.

See? This is me not leaning right.

There was an exhausted sleep for two hours. It will be a few hours until Jim comes with the boys. When I woke up I took Cody out for sushi to thank him for getting me to and from the hospital – a weird sort of bookend, and because it is not hospital food, nor is it deep fried, and hell no- I am in no condition to cook. No sake. Green tea is the thing; as is water, and soup and salad. Mr. Hu took care of us.

I need aspirin. It is my one prescription. Take this for the rest of your life. He drives me to Wegman’s. It is silly, but I lean on his arm. This will be my pose for the next week. Oh! I probably shouldn’t drive for a while. This is something to figure out later. I kick him out promising to sleep.

I lie.

Instead I check the pouring of email and posts and care. I talk to Benny. I get yelled at. “You can put the word ‘teeney’ in front of it all you like, but a STROKE is a STROKE.”

Then we laugh, because going off to the right is stupit. I imagine my sad nephews laughing as they list to the right.

You should try it. It’s HI•larious. (No sarcasm there at all, seriously).

I chat with Troy because he warned in a message that he was near tears. I love Troy. I do. He managed not to cry, though he threatened to. And in all this, it had turned 11:30 and mom walked in the door.

Mom got in late last night. The reason mom is here is because of this:

Somewhere in that hospital haze, mom asked if she should come? I said I needed to sleep on it. Tona sent the image with the subject line, “For your consideration…” Thanks, Tona.

Thanks, mom. I’m glad you are here.

Funny about when you think you’ll be strong.

I haven’t had to think about the dishes I left when I left Tuesday morning for the hospital, nor the dog hair, or food or anything. This is good, because I am more tired than I knew I was. Walking takes thought. Standing takes thought. The muscles work. The brain is relearning basics. I hope this means a lot of calories. That would be a sweet silver lining.

I had over eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. Michelle invited herself over this morning (ostensibly to talk about course materials). She knows it’s better to have an activity. What I did learn from Liz over the last few days, sometimes people just need to know I’m okay; and that friends like to help. We talked course materials, then headed over to Barnes and Nobles on our mosey toward RIT and work. I lean on Michelle’s arm. “On the Avenue…Fifth avenue…” I hear a, “Weez!” and Fico gives me a big bear hug. This is one of my students. Naw, he’s beyond a student, he’s just great. He gives me a long hug. He looks relieved. God that makes me happy. “I’m sorry I made you worry.”

From there, to RIT where I check in with people to show my face; to show I am okay, despite leaning on Shel’s arm. I kinda like this arm in arm thing. I score a hug from Brenda who-doesn’t-do-hugs, and Chris who-also-hells-no-doesn’t-do-hugs. Alas, this is not captured on film. There are two meetings that I have come specifically to attend. (They were important.) I got to lean on Tona. I got to hug a whole lot of people, or got hugged by people. It doesn’t really matter. That students and faculty alike yelled my name and ran up to me to hold me is pretty fabulous.

I can see behind the smile and the hug the relief, and in some a worry that comes from care.

I am sorry. I also know that the love and care and worry are all intertwingled.

Came home the way I left, on Michelle’s arm. Crashed again because this is a lot more tiring than I ever thought. But my mommy is here.



  1. jeanne y

    I am so glad you are better and are bringing quaint and sweet to RIT. We should all be arm in arm, I say. I saw you just a few weeks ago, with balloons and students in the building. I remember thinking that you look the same as when you were a student. Hate the word and the actuality of strokes but so grateful you are feeling ok and feeling how much you mean to everyone.

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