Have you ever been in the middle of working out and started weeping? One girlfriend said in the middle of a massage as one knot was released, all this emotion and memory came pouring out. The masseuse told her that it happens sometimes. Maybe the body has memory. It holds things in a way the brain doesn’t. Maybe that knot held onto the day her stepdad died and when she …
ENTRY # 2574 Last weekend – the parts when I was in the city with Bridget and Itzel, and Benny and Netti were fantastic. The six hour drive to and from was filled with a lot of thinking. Most were not happy thoughts. I should have focused on walking around Chinatown with Netti or how Bridget attracts great and fun people like Whomba collects swear words. Too much time thinking …
ENTRY # 2569 I kept waking up and going back to bed until it was right. The first time was around 6 and who knows what monkeys were inhabiting my brain before I opened my eyes, but I woke up crying, Not the sobbing cathartic kind, just a quiet hopeless kind. The dog was concerned. I checked my computer for stories and to see if anything had changed – it …
ENTRY # 2542 I am not surprised that the Capuchin sounds like Pat Morita. (The other option would have been James Earl Jones, but the Capuchin does not have the authority of God.) Depending on whether or not I want to take what he is about to say seriously, I can either channel Mr. Miyagi or Arnold. I have placed the photograph unmolested back into the box. The woman and …
ENTRY # 2539 From where I am right now, I cant imagine a resolution to the story. This is where semi-autobiographical fiction can take its turn, because even I hate watching it unfold in real time. The head monkeys were never very precise. They were just a wall of internal noise. Now that Ive given them character, I kinda have to make something up. Still dont know what they (as …
ENTRY # 2533 What if I open a box? I havent tried this before. The attic is dusty and cool. It smells like an attic, of memory. My home is a jumble, but the stack of the actively forgotten is ordered and arranged. Funny how the mind is. For this experiment I look for Beyond Care. Not a mere Dont Care Anymore. I wonder if the residual anger is telling …
ENTRY # 1875 Wz.v1 Monkeys chitter in head screaming things like “Unworthy!” and “”Unqualified!” and “Ugly!” Wz.v1 acknowledges the nonsensicalness of monkey chitter Physical and emotional reactions are stuffed into some deep dark hole Happy face engaged Wz.v2 Monkeys chitter in head screaming things like “Unworthy!” and “”Unqualified!” and “Ugly!” Wz.v1 acknowledges the nonsensicalness of monkey chitter TO OTHER PERSON Physical and emotional reactions are allowed to vent. Happy face …
ENTRY # 1675 The blue anteater, the white monkey and gold raccoon sit on my chest poking me. “See, I told you she was stuck.” I try to lift my arm. Its too hot. I cant move it. The blanket is too heavy. “See, I told you,” the raccoon says. I am thinking that if they would just get off my chest, then maybe I could do something. The boarder …
ENTRY # 1383 Two hours early for the flight shuffling along in slow mo. Glad Im here. Glad to be able to amuse myself with one finger typing, balancing the laptop on my luggage with the other hand keeping a steadying grip on my virtual life. Geek. Although Id like to think I look more like a rock star. (Not really). Monkeys in ones head isnt just something endemic to …
ENTRY # 1143 I think its funny that what is getting poured into this other space are my relationships. Relationships need to be protected (taking the adjective from the livejournal category). I can talk about lots of other stuff at the public blog, but the proportion of time my head and heart spends here as compared to the private one is not even close. Not as many posts there, but …
