Sprang for a massage chair. In the absence of regular sex, this is the best thing ever. The stroke was three (?) years ago, and since then I’ve had a bunch of problems. Tendonitis of the hip, a lower back vertabrae out of whack (not quite slipped) that’s been pinching a nerve and weakening the leg and additionally causing lower back pain, then there was that hormonal shitstorm called menopause. …
I’m okay, and that is solid.
It takes a long time for the heart to catch up with the brain. Maybe not so much to catch up, but to adjust to the reality of the present. On facebook the other day, the site so kindly offered me a video that said 8 years ago, I had friended my dad. He’s been gone for three years now, and the loss is still there, but it doesn’t hurt …
Infinite shades of grey. That’s how the world is. Not sure that even the blackest black is all that, nor the white. Well, maybe there are some absolutes. I was dorm queen at the Pennsylvania Governor’s School of the Arts at the ripe old age of 26 (was it?). Old enough to be considered a grown up by these fifteen through seventeen year olds. This month long program of artists, …
Brought back from the edge. It’s hard to live in ambiguity. But worse, maybe to say, you are nothing to me. And so saying, end it all. True there is clarity, but there is also the void.
There is this flare of anger. Liz P told me that she used to pick fights with Ricky before he went on tour. It was like clockwork. It’d culminate in a fight before he left. She said it was so she didn’t miss him when he was gone. Maybe that’s what this is about. When the anger burns itself out, maybe the feeling will be gone too. So, maybe I …
A student stopped by. I hadn’t seen him since last semester when he was in my class. “I never got a chance to tell you, but you helped me when I was pretty low. It meant a lot. Just wanted to say thank you.” It’s easy to forget that we effect each person we interact with. Each interchange has the potential to make the day better or ill. So there …
Cleaning house is healing. Is it exerting order in whatever way one can? Or just that a clean house has a better feel? In any case, it is an opportunity to purge. Out! Out! Sanctify.
10 o’clock and all is sad But that wasn’t the feeling at 5 or 2 or 11. So I remind myself that the hand on the clock will move, and as it does, so does the wave of feeling. I did laugh today. I did have connections. There was the six o’clock of snuggling with the dog, the 3 AM mewling of the cat, the 7 AM relief that I …
It came up as I complained about trying to date. It’s work. It’s like a series of interviews. I answer, “Someone who it’s easy to be around…where the conversation just flows, and the silences are comfortable.” And we talked about the different kind of friendships we have, and it really did come down to friendship with a layer of desire. That’s pretty much it. Finding that effortless connection is a …
