Been missing that daily thing. A year from now I may wonder what was happening in the interstices. Chris and Erin got married. That was a big deal. At work there are a tremendous amount of things going on, of which I am mostly uncaring. There is sleep and frustration about tangible things that are happening and not happening with my body…but all of it pretty much on time for …
This also happened. Sixteen is a lot. I can still conjure his face as he would crawl over the blankets to wake me up. The smile is still the same.
What exactly is normal? I forget. I’ve always forgotten, but this is a different kind. Every two hours or so, I hit a wall of tired and zone out. If I make it through, it hits again. Each time is a fresh wave. At each one, it’d be so easy to just lie down. I am spending longer stretches of time awake. If I do not rest, it accumulates to …
Sleep is the best thing.
A year ago, I believed this. I don’t believe all of it now. Some walls come down. Hope does return.
Margaret asked, “Why would you put into a public forum something that could as easily be private — like a diary?” It’s a very good question. Sand on the beach, crayons and paper, chalk and a sidewalk all illicit touch and shaping. It’s a compulsion. These sketches are left uncaring as to whether or not someone views them. They exist regardless. They are made because I wanted to make them. …
Blood pressure ranges from 95-145 systolic throughout the day. I hit 200 once. It was scary to have all the displays in a bright red. I took the pressure three times, still red. left it alone for a half hour, back down to 130. Weird. A little scary. Blamed it (maybe) on running on 3 hours of sleep. My left leg is electric. I keep checking between the two and …
Weak. The picture of an Amazon self does not match the woman in the mirror. I am mortal and aging. This does not imply a surrender to gravity nor a rounding of all the edges. Maybe the goal is to be contrary: defy gravity; sharpen those distinctions. There is no rage. It is not old age. Perhaps it is an older age, enough to know that time is finite and …
but this sleeping thing is so good. It’s a bit like being a newborn. When babies have too much stimulus, they just close their eyes and shut down. They let it all go so they can process what they’ve got. It’s like that.
