Blood pressure ranges from 95-145 systolic throughout the day. I hit 200 once. It was scary to have all the displays in a bright red. I took the pressure three times, still red. left it alone for a half hour, back down to 130. Weird. A little scary. Blamed it (maybe) on running on 3 hours of sleep. My left leg is electric. I keep checking between the two and …
Weak. The picture of an Amazon self does not match the woman in the mirror. I am mortal and aging. This does not imply a surrender to gravity nor a rounding of all the edges. Maybe the goal is to be contrary: defy gravity; sharpen those distinctions. There is no rage. It is not old age. Perhaps it is an older age, enough to know that time is finite and …
Never liked that disconnected feeling of too much alcohol. Maybe being one who favors the right brain anyway, the now, the interconnectedness of it all – having a little less of my already back seat driving left brain isn’t such a great thing. The left brain knows my context and remembers who and when and where I am. So not digging the disconnect that is now. Some people pay good …
There is a long list of possible side effects with the sleeping pill/generic ambien thing. Things are listed such as sex, baking, driving, walking, and other verbs…all while asleep. Apparently, I post on facebook and am capable of editing documents. I only know about the editing documents because I looked at the time stamp and it said 4 AM and have no recollection of any of it. This was a …
Twenty four twenty four hours ago… 20 minutes to make it under the wire for a daily post. The nurse explained that the sedation wouldn’t necessarily knock me out, but I wouldn’t remember anything. I’m pretty sure I was knocked out. I know I didn’t remember things. Kim took me there for my eight am appointment. She’d been singing the Ramones since yesterday when they called about this appointment. She …
Saw the neurologist this morning. Hold out your hands. I said, “This is fine, but I shoot with this hand.” (I really did.) I also did the follow the finger, stand, sit, close eyes, heel-toe dance. Kept thinking of Young Frankenstein before he put on the Ritz. It was a Mel Brooks kinda mornin’. The doctor said I am now asymptomatic. Balance is good. Tired is normal, he told me …
I wonder how really doable this schedule is. It may just be a stamina issue. The Monday class I adore energetically ran for the full four hours and a little over to past 10PM. I didn’t take a sleeping pill since I didn’t think there was enough time for the effects to wear off by 6:30 when I needed to wake up for my 8AM Tuesday class (which I also …
Reading about adrenal glands, mini-strokes, brain reparation, and all kinds of craziness. It seems that I am normal for what I am and where I was and hope to go. It made me cry.
Yesterday was a mess. A B Here is a bunch of two and three hour bits of fitful sleep. (As in full of fits, not as in would-be-fit-as-a-fiddle-if-you-got-one-of-these). Here is a generic ambien induced straight eight hours of maybe-snoring-maybe-muttering-but-I-didn’t-gain-consciousness-so-I-don’t-care. Having seen the two, I will take B any day. Stuff happened. As I told Sela, “The how-does-all-this-work is a crazy state of being, isn’t it? I keep getting sideswiped by …
Told my kids (the students that is) that part of the creative process was not to edit. Just put it alll down. It will likely be crap. That’s okay. woke up at three in the morning, my head buzzing. It does that. Alcohol over a dinner celebrating that I exist was not enough to make me sleep through the night, no matter how delicious mixmaster Tim can make it. It’s …
