Want and Need

Cody is one of the few friends I sort of speak to and connect with regularly. To be honest, he actually is my only friend who I do that with. Before the pandemic, my inclination was to be insular. Feeding that hermit-like tendency with isolation – not a good look. So we see one another at an annual conference. (In Oakland right now hanging with him and the fam). He …

No Pressure

I would have thought at my age, my moods would be more even keeled. So very not. The sun is shining. Sky is blue. (Cue Bob Marley). And that is enough to give me the energy to write, and to clean house, and deal with work stuff. Conversely, those dark days really do put a damper on the soul. Not hyperbole. So this is typing (mostly) into the void, so …

thaw

Stupid cold, as I wait for the car to warm up ice on the windshield cracks and drips. The sun is shining through prismatic drops. I stop for a moment, and the world really is quite beautiful after all.

To Languish

There was a lovely NY Times article that favored the return of the word “languish”. It really is quite lovely as words go. It brings to mind that impotent feeling that would involve some flailing if you could just get the energy to do it. It’s not depression per se, it’s running on fumes. When asked, “How are you?” “Not okay” causes worry. “I’m languishing.” is relatable and if they …

a drop

What is the purpose of posting in social media? Is it the howling of a wolf hoping others will take up the cry? Is it an ask for someone to acknowledge you exist? Are you the tree in the wood that falls? I am a drop that makes an insignificant ripple. Perhaps less than that…which is why I write this here instead of as a fb post or even a …

What Queens teach us

Bingeing, because that’s how I do. While there is no small amount of manufactured and edited for tv drama, ultimately shows of Rupaul (in all its incarnations), Queer Eye, and A Queen is Born are about self-acceptance, otherness, and what beauty can mean. It’s a happy thing and makes me feel if they can love themselves, I should absolutely be able to.

On the Need for Something Real

The day is full of stuff. I think that is the correct noun. Stuff it in, flotsam, detritus, junk, anything and everything. So much needful arbitrariness. Then there are the moments of tangible where the emotion is real. It doesn’t have to be big, just has to go beyond the threshold of stuff-you-have-to-do-to-get-through-the-day. Even that takes discipline. Like slowing down enough to enjoy the ritual of opening the canister, smelling …

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